Nivi Space

How do u define yourself? How do u know who you are?

Its definitely not a perfectly established concept. I mean today you are not what you were ten years back and by all probabilities you are not going to be what you are today ten years down the line.So who are you? What defines you? I am not trying to answer this question. No way . I am as muddled as a s/w engineer trying to solve a code that was written by a guy 10 years ago with variables like “will-my-code-work”.

We start by being clones of our parents thinking like them,believing what they believe in, until we are no longer pampered and thrown out of laps and told to think for ourselves. Then we are suddenly out there in the world trying to figure out what we want, who we are,with very little success i might add.Well having said that certain things do define you .Like say your tastes ,your likes and dislikes. I mean that’s genuine unless you are trying to impress the guy/gal u like saying you are a die hard fan of mandolin srinivas when u don’t even know that a mandolin is a stringed instrument.!!! So yeah your preferences define you.

And maybe the most important of all . Your choices.
I quote Rowling here “It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities”
And when you think about it , it makes a lot of sense.At every stage of life you make choices. Think about the time you made a choice to give the one final lollipop you had to your best friend in LKG. Think about the times in school when u stood up to your friends and fought for them and made a zillion enemies. Think about the times when you chose friends and stuck with them through thick and thin. Think about all the choices that you have made because you thought people were more important, relationships were more important.All those moments define you. The one tiny moment in the traffic signal when u are torn between paying the skinny lady with an undernourished kid a dime or just shooing her away defines you.Whether u end up paying her or not,it defines a small quality about you.

Making choices is the most difficult thing simply because its always a multiple choice question with the option d being “thousand other things which we cannot accommodate in that brain of yours”.And the answer key never has a right or a wrong.You grow with your choices. Good or bad. Of course we make poor choices ,poor decisions ,pathetic decisions that when you think back you wonder how on god’s name you made that one. But you did and you learnt from it. That’s you.

At every point in our life right from everyday decisions to life altering ones we are all at life’s crossroads trying hard to make a decision. To make a choice. The reason it maybe so hard to make a choice is because every choice is YOU.Defines you.It screams out aloud to the world about the person that you are. And figuring out who you are is probably the largest and biggest conundrum life ever imposed on us.Will we ever be able to figure it out? should we figure it out? Well i don’t think so cause everyone of your choices is an answer in itself, a smaller piece of a larger jigsaw.And you play the jigsaw for as long as you live and boy its one hell of a game!!!

btw on a totally related note.. here is another way to define you. Your choice to make a difference.
http://www.smile.org.in/asp/common/smileMain.asp

She agreed. “Yes”,she told him.

The lack of answers to certain conundrums of life bothered him. When something occured without a plausible logical explanation he found everyone else attributing it to destiny,fate or worse GOD.He found that blasphemous.He was not going to be satisfied with these answers .He would find rational answers.Yes all of them. And he is going to prove to the world that nothing is inexplicable,that there was no supreme power. He took that upon him to bless the world with answers the entire human race has been waiting for.

She smiled at him. She urged him to proceed.

There he was now after all the long toiling years finally with this theory.There were chances people would write him off calling him just another agnostic, an atheist, another one of these addled brainy morons who just couldn’t sleep without having answers for everything. Everything needed to be a mathematical equation with variables and constants and of course a perfect logical solution.Well he couldn’t totally disagree with them. That was who he was. He had always been like that. He believed in answers.

She told him he was right. He was what he was .Just like everyone else was. And told him that he should be proud of it.

He sometimes wondered how she always seemed to know the right thing and how she always gave him hope .Hope to carry on with his life.This confused him.Who was she? He never remembered himself without her.She had always been there ,guiding him,helped him figure out right from wrong,never letting him give up. During times of distress all he had to do was close his eyes. She had a quality that calmed him down.He always felt better after a few moments with her.Now this puzzled him. He wanted answers dint he? Who was she? He closed his eyes again waiting for her to tell him . And she gave him the answers.

He opened his eyes. He needed a moment to accept what had just happened. He moved slowly to his desk and burnt up all his research papers.He now believed that there was a supreme force that governed them all. He now believed in GOD. How could he not? She was within him just like she was within every single human being.He could not tell people that there was no GOD for then he would be telling them that they themselves did not exist.He would be telling them not to believe in themselves.It was all clear to him now.It was no paradox ,it was real.He had the answers he had been looking for all his life.And he found it in the one place he never looked. HIMSELF.