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I was furious but I think I managed to do a good job hiding it in front of the dozen aunties who were present in my room. I knew that each and every pair of eyes rested on me. It was important that I handled this scenario well, if not I would be the fodder for the neighborhood gossip until the next big incident happened. The things that happened till now were scandalous enough to keep the gossip mongers happy. I composed myself, made sure my voice would sound dispassionate, cleared my throat and said

“I am getting married today Anand. It is not the right time to indulge in your jokes.”

“B..But Asha, You…You have to listen to me. We need to talk this through. There is still time, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

How dare he, I found myself writhing with anger, how dare he come here and talk to me in front of all these people as though none of them exist. What makes him think I am doing this without my heart being in it? How audacious? How could I have ever…? But what was this feeling inside of me? How can he in his arrogance still know what I am going through? How does he see what I feel and not what I think? I wondered how can the two were always in conflict. I decided to overpower my feelings, I had to. They had let me down in the past. I decided that I would trust my mind over my heart when it came to life decisions. This way, it was easier to defend them later, when one of them dint work rather than saying “I had a good feeling about it”. I felt something chocking me and decided it was introspection. I certainly did not have the luxury of time when it came to dealing with Anand today, my wedding day.

“It is not in your place to decide what I want or do not want, Anand”
I continued “As you can see, I quite know what I am doing and am happy in doing so. Now if you will please find your way out, I have a wedding to be in”
I replied moving towards my mirror thus suggesting to Anand that our little conversation was over.

” I will leave if that is what you truly desire. I know that you don’t but until you realize it, there is nothing I can do. One thing Asha, everyone makes mistakes. Some people though realize it soon enough to make amends. I just hope you are not in the other category. I will be outside if you need me.”

I did not look at him when he spoke to me. I was fighting a tough battle not to. With a heavy sigh he walked towards the door, turned back and by some unknown instinct I turned to look at him. His look said much more than his words ever did. Maybe it was at that moment that I knew what I had to do. I made finishing touches to my hair and walked towards the mandap* looking at the sea of people sitting in front and tried spotting Anand. I did spot him, the look on his face would be frozen in my memory forever as I sat there with the thaali* weighing down on my neck. Was it the weight of the gold or the decision? I would not know then.
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Mandap: The raised platform where south Indian wedding ceremonies generally take place
Thaali: The Tamilian equivalent of a mangal sutra or a ring in the western cultures that marks the completion of a wedding ceremony

Tags: Asha and Anand, In parts, Short Novel, weddings

This entry was posted on Monday, February 15th, 2010 at 11:54 pm and is filed under Stories. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.